It's the Teacher's Fault!

I had the opportunity to join hundreds of parents at my daughter's middle school last night for the ever enlightening parent/teacher conferences. These meetings were voluntary and not scheduled, which means, if I wanted to talk to one of Gracie's teachers, I had to wait in line.  I arrived late, hoping that everyone else had visited the school earlier in the day.I had success in two of the three classes I visited. I was able to walk right in. My plan had worked. Gracie earned great grades in these subjects and I just wanted to thank the teachers for their hard work. The said very nice things about Gracie and I moved on. The last class that I needed to visit was her math class.

Gracie struggles with math, so I'm never too surprised when her grade reflects that. Aaron and I have been trying to help her with homework, but we haven't been as diligent as we need to be and I went into the conference with a feeling of having failed her. I was looking for guidance on how I can help her improve. 

When I got to her math class, I noticed several mothers sitting outside the room. Two ladies were sitting in the only available chairs, so I leaned up against the wall and began my wait. With nothing to do, but pay attention to the people around me, I noticed that most of the parents seemed to be really unhappy. There were few smiles and a lot of very loud sighs. I guessed that it was the lack of structure, caused by an open schedule and having to wait that was weighing on them. Suddenly a conversation between the two seated mothers began and I quickly realized that I had been beating myself up in vain!

It's all the teacher's fault!! What a relief! The weight of being a mediocre math tutor was lifted off my shoulders. As I listened to these two mothers loudly proclaim that they had had enough and couldn't wait to berate the teacher for her lack of skills, I began to take notes. It never occurred to me that Gracie was being victimized in the classroom.  Wow...what I learned next was shocking. This teacher apparently doesn't explain or teach ANYTHING to the students. She only offers to add half the total points scored on re-do papers and tests, not full points. I mean, really....if Gracie is able to redo a test and score a 100, after scoring a 50, shouldn't she receive 100 points. It's only fair.  Oh and yes, do you know that she makes them write an essay, explaining how they got their answers? I couldn't believe it. One mother said that she had worked through a problem with her child, only to find out that the teacher marked it wrong, because the child couldn't explain how he got the answer.  What's up with that?? I mean...she checked the answer with her calculator and it was right. She had every right to be angry.

(End of sarcasm) It became the first mother's turn to enter the classroom and I joined the second on the chairs. The woman sat there beside me, sighing heavily and said, "This is going to be fun" in a very sarcastic tone. I just kept quiet... wondering if I should just get up and leave. It was getting late and Aaron and Gracie hadn't eaten supper yet. I could just call her or email her with my concerns. Just then, another woman approached and asked about the line. At this time there were about five of us waiting. She made a snide remark about her child not even knowing the multiplication table. I couldn't sit quietly anymore. I spoke up. I said, "Yeah...my daughter struggles with that as well, but that's my fault. I should push her to practice."  What happened next was really weird. It was like I hadn't said anything at all. They kept on with their teacher bashing conversation, like I didn't even exist. I suddenly knew that I had to wait for my turn and offer some encouragement to the poor, young math teacher, who had endured hours of such behavior.

When it came my turn, I greeted her with a big smile and gave her a strong hand shake. I told her that it was going to be okay and how I empathized with her situation. She smiled back and confirmed with a look and a few careful words, that she had been beaten up pretty badly throughout the day. I asked her how I could help Gracie and she was thorough in showing me her progress to date, missing assignments and optional re-dos. She let me know that Gracie could bring her grade up if she completed the assignments and re-dos. She told me that Gracie over-thinks problems and second guesses herself. When I told her that I was concerned about Gracie's ability to concentrate, she quickly agreed to move her to the front of the class and pay more attention to her tendency to doodle and draw pictures, than take notes. She offered tutoring a couple of mornings per week. I left knowing the direction we needed to take and how to keep tabs on assignments. It was productive and Gracie's grade will improve with the joint effort of parent and teacher.

Lesson Learned:

Our children are going to face a lot of teachers in their lives from kindergarten to college and each one will have a different personality and style. After talking with Gracie's math teacher, I believe that she expects more from her students, than they ever experienced in elementary school. She holds them to a higher standard. She asks them to take responsibility for their performance. She expects them to raise their hands and tell her, when they don't understand the problem she just worked through on the board. She's preparing them for a time when parent/teacher conferences don't exist and mom or dad won't be helping them with their homework. She's helping to grow them into responsible adults. Isn't that what we as parents are supposed to do? I'm not saying there isn't a time, when parents have to stand up against an ineffective teacher. That happens, but I would ask parents to hold their children responsible for their learning first, helping them to navigate through experiences with a variety of personalities and styles. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong this time, but I don't think so. What do you think?