As I quickly approach my fiftieth birthday....wow....I just got really dizzy. Just writing that number throws me into a panic and a feeling of complete dread. How in the heck have I gotten so old, so quickly? I'd like to be able to say that I don't feel a day over thirty, but unfortunately, there's days when I feel ninety. What is happening to my body????
1. At some point within the past five years, my body has decided that it doesn't need any calories to survive. Every calorie that goes into my mouth travels down my body and rests in my mid-section. I have this tire of fat that just sits right above my belly button. It's like my metabolism didn't just slow down....the calorie burning furnace has died.
2. I experience sudden, explosive moments of intense heat radiating from deep inside my chest to every inch of my body, causing me to turn the air conditioner "cool" temp to 65 and gulp ice water. This happens at least ten times a day, during which, if I was a "cussing" girl, streams of profanity would be flowing from my mouth. Instead, I just growl. I HATE hot flashes.
3. The muscles in my back have decided that they don't want to relax. After all, they have to hold me and my many rolls of fat upright for most of the day. Therefore, they have decided that they are going to get mad and cause me intense pain...unless of course my doctor will give me a lifetime prescription to those wonderful muscle relaxants.
4. My feet have joined my back in letting me know that they don't appreciate the extra poundage or the fact that I spent thirty years working on my feet for ten to twelve hours a day. After multiple, painful cortisone shots and anti-inflammatory medication, I still want to crawl, rather than walk after sitting or lying down for more than thirty minutes.
So...in conclusion...I am asking my body to begin cooperating so that I can burn enough calories to eat more than 500 calories a day. I mean...come on...a girl has to eat!!! I like food.
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